Vicki Davis (CoolCat Teacher) recently shared her list of twelve steps to online parental supervision. Being busy this weekend, I merely skimmed them, noted that I disagreed with some of the points, but otherwise, didn't get too riled up...until I read Tom Hoffman's rebuttal <smile>, whose title I just won't mention here. While the title was undoubtedly for shock effect, he makes some good points...and links to a story of a young killer...

She [his mother] knew he spent a lot of time on the computer in his bedroom but had no idea he was filling an online journal with hate-filled rants and violent fantasies. "We found there was a little change because he was a little quieter, but he still was normal at home, living with us upstairs, [sleeping] in his bedroom. It's not that he was alone in the basement or anything," she said.

I thought I'd give you my two cents quickly on each of her points, especially since it's late and I need some sleep:

1. Use a filter with some sort of parental control. If you have to resort to this, you might as well disconnect the Internet in your house. Students have to know how to self-monitor and "filter themselves." This happens when you have open conversations with your child, and point out to them that some things are just plain unacceptable. Have this conversation often enough, they'll regulate themselves when you aren't around...and, isn't that what we all want?
2. Discuss with your child what they can and cannot do online. Definitely have this discussion, and make sure that they know what situations they should ask you about. If there's any doubt or question, ask first.
3. Do not allow them to "make friends" online. While I see the point of this one, I would point out that making friends online is what all of us are doing as bloggers. I would rather we amended this to say, "Don't make friends online unless Mom/Dad knows about it and can monitor contacts." If the "new" friend wants to make face to face contact, hello, that's a warning flag.
4. When your child sets up an web page online, subcribe to the page over RSS or bookmark it and visit it daily. I definitely agree with this point...our children desire an audience, and if mom/dad can't read their stuff, doesn't that present some worrisome questions to consider? My daughter wants me to read her stuff online...if i don't I'm asked why not?
5. Watch for their feelings. Definitely, this is certainly a part of being online and walking down the street. "Don't walk down the street with your head down, looking all mopey and depressed, even if you aren't. It sends the signal you're the weak one in the herd and the predators start chasing you. Remember, who's the gazelle that gets eaten?" The response--that even my 7 year old has down pat--is, "The one that leaves the herd or goes off by itself."
6. Communicate with your child online by e-mailing them and visiting and posting on their online page. Definitely agree with this one...just as I like to have feedback, so do they! I see this as modelling how we're supposed to behave in the Read/Write Web.
7. Peruse the history on the computers used by your child. No, I don't believe in this at all. i show my children how to protect their privacy using Eraser, deleting cache on browsers, etc. If I don't KNOW what they're doing on the computer by our conversations and observation, then no amount of perusing or snooping will do it.
8. Visit their classroom sites. No disagreement with this one! It's like #4.
9. Discuss things openly with your child. Yep, this is obvious.
10. Be the bad guy! Inappropriate stuff is deleted automatically and that is expected!
11. Keep an open line of communication. No disagreement.
12. Google your child. You bet! And let them know that you'll be googling them. My kids google me..."See anything bad about your dad, kids?"

This list seems a bit redundant and seems to oscillate between the two frames--strict father and nurturing parent--outlined by George Lakoff. I'd trim the list down to the following:

• Set clear expectations for Internet use anywhere, anytime.
• Emphasize responsibility for appropriate, or inappropriate, behavior.
• Practice Read/Write Web virtues such as transparency of thinking/feeling, open communication and collaboration with your child(ren) as much as possible.
• Reflect the public image to them and help them fine-tune that image to reflect what they want to show (and offer advice as to how to improve that image).

Posted by Miguel Guhlin at | +Del.icio.us |
Categories: Transparency